4 days till Zambia

In 4 short days, I will be heading to Zambia, Africa with 11 other nursing students and 5 leaders. During our time there we will be in Lusaka, Macha, Zimba, Choma, and Livingstone. We will be taking classes while over there and completing clinical hours as well. We have the opportunity to educate birthing assistants in villages on how to help babies breathe when they are born. Our schedules have been full of classes and meetings since being back on campus but today we have nothing scheduled for us. Its allowed me to stop in the midst craziness and evaluate the past few days and how I am feeling about our upcoming departure. I have had so many different emotions ranging from pure excitement, to anxiousness, to fear, to anticipation, to joy, to inadequacy. Satan has been at work to try and keep me distracted and to attempt to fill me with fear. I have felt inadequate for this trip, that I don't have what it takes for this trip. He has stirred up past hurts, He has ATTEMPTED to keep my focus on the lies and not on what God is doing. Though I am nervous about different aspects of the trip, I know I am exactly where God wants me to be. I know He has been preparing my heart, mind, and soul for this trip for quite sometime. I know He is faithful. I know this is the next step in the path He is leading me on through life. I have an amazing team, with Godly leaders embarking on this trip with me. But best of all I have a God who is faithful, who never leaves me, who will be by each of our sides through every struggle, through every day, through everything. Please keep our team in your prayers. 4 days till Zambia.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of deer, he enables me to go on the heights." - Habakkuk 3:17-19. He is faithful.

Summer 2012 and all its craziness...

This summer has been a loaded summer. I have literally been living out of suitcases. I started the summer by working 50-60 hours a week at the greenhouses, this was my 6th or 7th year working for my awesome boss. I was a manager this year and it was great season full of hard work, laughs, sweat, and encouraging words from my fellow employees and boss. I am blessed to work with such amazing people on a yearly basis. Before the season was over I embarked on a trip to Kenya.

I have dreamed of going to Africa since I was much younger. There have been many opportunities throughout my life that I could have gone to Africa, but each time after praying and thinking about it, I had never felt a peace about the trips. But after battling emotions, I finally felt God say yes to the Kenya trip with the Engage ministry that I am apart of. We left on June 7th and traveled till June 9th when we arrived in Nairobai, Kenya. During those few days of traveling we flew alot, attempted to sleep on dusty floors in the London airport, toured Windsor castle, laughed from lack of sleep, and I may have had a man fall over and start seizing in front of me on the plane ride to Kenya right as I was about to fall asleep. But after all that we arrived safely in Kenya. Once in Kenya we hit the ground running. Within the first hour and a half of being in Kenya we found ourselves walking through the Mathare Valley. To this day I still can't put into words what I felt as I walked through the slums that was filled with the trash, feces, urine, dirty water running through living areas, shacks, animals running around, children playing in the trash, no shoes, ripped clothes, a smell that hits you, beautiful people that are tucked into a little area to hide from the rest of the world. You can look at the pictures but until you are walking in the middle of it and see the children sitting in the trash and see the adults staring at you as you walk through the place they call home, it doesn't sink it to the full extent. It was a humbling experience. One that I pray on a daily basis that God keeps fresh and present in my mind, so that I do not forget how blessed I am, so that I do not forget to tell people of these conditions that people are living in, that they have to actually pay to live in.

The next day we were picked up by Bishop James, a godly, loving, man of God from Kenya. He took us to church. The church is so alive in Kenya. You can feel the Holy Spirit's presence. The worship was inspiring, raw, and real. One of my favorite things about the church service was that in the little room that we were packed into there were at least 3 tribes that used to be at war with each other and were now worshiping and praising the one true God together as the Church. After church we ventured out to the Bush. The rest of the trip consisted of sharing the Gospel, praying, skits, medical work, VBS, song singing, volleyball, crafts, loving, adding onto the family, bonfires, laughing, goat slaughtering, bumpy bus rides, and life changing experiences. God stretched me in so many ways. He used trials and hurts to show me that missions is not going to be an easy path, but that His steadfastness will guide me and sustain me. That things WILL happen back at home and that I will not always be able to return back to them. That it will hurt but He will provide the strength needed and use fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to comfort me and encourage me. He strengthened me. He deepened me. He stretched me. I will be going back to Kenya, I know that for a fact. (If you want to hear more details on the trip, hit me up). Transitioning back from Kenya was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and in some aspects I still am. A few weeks after Kenya it was time for church camp, I was praying for no pink eye this year and God answered that prayer. We talked about the kingdom at camp and man oh man did I see the kingdom alive and active during this week at camp. I loved seeing the students in the heart of worship, I loved seeing them embrace and include the special needs students that came this year, God was and is moving through the younger generations. Don't count them out, they are rising up, they are an amazing group of kids, pray for them , encourage them, serve with them, love them. I got back from camp and quickly packed and was off to Nashville to visit my roommate. It was a great week of laughs, relaxation, and talking. Now I am home again. I am entering into a new season of life, a season of healing. I have pushed a lot down for a long time. Its time I start working through things and taking steps to heal. The path ahead is scary and something I never thought I would walk down. But I have been blessed with so many people in my life that are encouraging me, loving me, praying for me, walking along side me, and pushing me. Thank you to all who are taking me in, loving me for me, doing life with me. I know its going to be a hard trail but I have a God who will never leave me and loves me steadfastly, people who are blessing me more than I deserve. "For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord who has compassion on you." - Isaiah 54:10 Oh one more minor thing... I LEAVE FOR ZAMBIA IN 19 DAYS!!!! Praying for God to prepare me, to stretch me, to grow me closer to Him. I have alot to do within the next week before I head back to IWU, but am so stoked to see what God does in the next few months. Stay tuned folks, God is alive and He is amongst us.